Today was just one of those days. I felt “off” right from the moment I woke up. There wasn’t anything wrong that I could put my finger on, it was more like I’d left a part of me somewhere else. I felt as though only half of me actually woke up and came back to the world.
I felt tired, heavy and weighed down and although I hoped I’d shake it off somewhere between a shower and breakfast, it lingered the whole day. I resisted it and got angry with it and even took a trip to the nursery for some winter plants to pot, thinking that might cheer me up, but it was beyond reason and rationalizing. It couldn’t be bullied away.
I had already decided I wouldn’t bother posting anything today as a) I didn’t have the energy and b) I didn’t feel like I could gather up the enthusiasm to be grateful for much. Yeah, I was pretty pathetic!
When I finally gave up and was ready to write the day off as just “one of those days” a light bulb finally went on and I laughed that it had actually taken me a whole day to remember!
I had forgotton that I can really be grateful for it all…every day is a gift…every moment. It’s a gift just to be be here and be experiencing every feeling that might be labeled good or bad…every moment, every nuance, every thought, every breath, every ache, every pain, every tear, every frustration …not just the “good” stuff. It all leads me to where I prefer to be and to what I really prefer to experience.
I’d been in resistance all day…resisting the tiredness, resisting the heaviness, resisting it all, with every deep sigh and every “poor me” thought. When I finally relaxed into gratitude for every experience, every feeling…all of it…every last bit of it, I found a smile on my face for the first time all day.
Tomorrow I may or may not feel better than I did today, but as soon as I wake up, my intent will be to wring every last delicious drop out of the day and be grateful for the experiences it brings.
alis volat propriis
(she flies with her own wings)
The photograph above was taken last winter in the town of Compostela, Nyarit, Mexico…about 40 miles inland from the coast. It is said that the name of the town comes from the Latin “campus stellae” or "field of stars". This man was sitting on a bench outside of a church that was built in the 16th century. He was just watching the world go by and as I look at him, I wonder if he has learned to simply enjoy the experience of living life.